[ PDF / Epub ] ☉ Bastards I Have Met Author Barry Crump – Higo2cam.info
Good intro to classic kiwi character Bazza, especially enjoyed the added character portrayals at the end of the book. Bastards, As Barry Crump Discovered One Afternoon In The Timberlands Hotel, Outnumbered Heroes By Something Like , To One An Intriguing Fact That Had Never Been Adequately Documented Before Crump Being Crump He Immediately Set Out To Remedy The Matter, And The Result Was Bastards I Have Met , An ABC Of Bastardry Which When Published In Took The Country By Storm Now Due To Popular Demand Crump S Original Twenty Six Prize Bastards Are Presented For Public Enjoyment Once Again, Together With Another Eight Unlikely Bastards He Met While Working Down On The Coast A Few Years Back A Whole New Generation Will Enjoy This Fresh Collection Of Crump Tales, Which Are As Hilarious As They Are Perceptive Of The Many Quirks And Oddities In The Kiwi Character Fantastic This book has a chapter dedicated to one of my relatives, Harry Bimler called Joe Bimler in this , aka Indispensable Bastard Harry has also written a book on deer culling called My Deer Life which is bloody hard to get hold of, but if you like Crumpy you ll probably like that as well. I love this book It is a gruff kiwi collection of the different type of bastards the author has met It is no masterpiece but a sure easy read to get a few chuckles and smiles. I had Crump s second book, Hang On a Minute Mate, in my hand at the library when I looked at the page listing his other books Bastards I Have Met made me burst out laughing right in the aisles, and, knowing Crump s legendary Kiwi status as a humorist, I figured this book would serve just as well as the other I had never read him before Luckily they had it available Quite an enjoyable read The book is literally an A Z on Bastardry , starting with Actual Bastard and ending with Zealous Bas I had Crump s second book, Hang On a Minute Mate, in my hand at the library when I looked at the page listing his other books Bastards I Have Met made me burst out laughing right in the aisles, and, knowing Crump s legendary Kiwi status as a humorist, I figured this book would serve just as well as the other I had never read him before Luckily they had it available Quite an enjoyable read The book is literally an A Z on Bastardry , starting with Actual Bastard and ending with Zealous Bastard There s an epilogue of sorts with 8 additional types of bastards he met after completing his encyclopedia of bastardry, while working in Tangaroa Crump has a pleasant and slightly absurd style of humor, the kind of bushman who clearly enjoys meeting new people and having a laugh He s never mean about describing these bastards except, perhaps, for the Intellectual Bastard Bastardus profundus , and for some of them he writes with downright sympathy like the Poor Bastard Bastardus upagainstitus and Unlucky Bastard aka Bastardus rawdealus Some of the Latin names are quite wonderful, like Bastardus woebegoneus Miserable Bastard or Bastardus primpus Vain Bastard In addition to the 34 types of bastard with dedicated chapters, he names a lot of other bastards along the way.It s a good time, full of great little character sketches and laughs, tall tales and short tales.Here s Crump on what he calls Temperamental Bastards Bastardus highstrungus , the type of bastard who would call himself merely a Sensitive Bastard Bastardus thinskinnus These are the people who complain all the time and don t do well with relationships, because other people offend their sensitivities I don t know about you, tolerant reader Humanitarian Bastard Bastardus bigheartedus but by the time I shifted out of that flat with Basil I d just about enough of Temperamental Bastards For too long we ve been making excuses for them on the grounds of their sensitivity, as though to be sensitive was some kind of virtue Look at it this way, if you or I had a sensitive say elbow, we wouldn t be likely to regard it as anything but a disability, a source of discomfort We certainly wouldn t claim it was a gift or a talent or an excuse to suffer, as the Temperamental Bastard so often does We d know the best thing would be a rapid cure a de sensitization of the elbow I don t know about you, dear reader Energetic Bastard Bastardus whirlwindus but I used to feel sorry for Lazy Bastards like Arney Now I m not so sure They don t have such a hard time of it when you consider that they never get sent to fetch anything, or do anything there s any hurry to get done And that includes just about everything in these hectic times No one expects them to be on time , or efficient, or stick to schedules, or even pull their weight They just get left alone to do their own things in their own time And yet you couldn t really call them Useless Bastards Bastardus nonentus Maybe they ve been sent among us to remind us that we re taking things too seriously and too fast for our own good In a world full of criticism of each other, where anything we do is liable to be wrong in somebody s opinion, there s few less harmful and objectionable types than the good old Lazy Bastard Bastardus loafus Perhaps the most effective way of silencing an Intellectual Bastard would be to present him with a ledger, with all he s ever done in one column, and the time it s taken him to do it in the other Which goes to demonstrate that if there was any tangible way to assess the qualities of the Intellectual Bastard he wouldn t exist One of Crump s best A Z, 26 commonly found examples of bastardry, with another 7 at the end to round things off In classic NZ style, I am not so sure it will work so well beyond, say, Australia.Covers of such bastards as the bad bastard, the clever bastard, the miserable bastard, the officious bastard, the weak bastard and of course, everyone s favourite, the good bastard.